new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
