just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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