btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Randomize
