My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
