JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
