Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
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