My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
