He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
