"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
