its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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