their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
