where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
