someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
