to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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