i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
