dude i'm inner monologue high
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
