Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
