New low: just hacked my moms facebook
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
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