He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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