Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
