I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
