This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
