i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize