your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Randomize
