So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
