I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I'm gonna have a badass scar
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
