My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
