i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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