i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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