totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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