Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
