Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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