You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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