Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
