We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize