Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize