my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Randomize