She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
