you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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