Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
