I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
