grandma shit on top of the toilet
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
