I'm really into asian looking animals
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
