Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
