Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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