you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize