Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
