I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
