Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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