Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
her vagine was all disorganized.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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