Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize