I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize
