I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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