Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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