look no pants
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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