hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize