Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
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