My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Randomize
