I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
