That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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