you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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