How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She told me I should be a condom model.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Randomize
