so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
