So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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