It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
