You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize