Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
